Author: sudhasirpi

Modern day – Dowry to do or TODO!

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Some of you may feel what is written below is not entirely real. That’s not the case. I personally know all of this happening around me in the friends and family circle.

Still there are families, girls and guys who are taking strong stand against dowry irrespective of their economic status. You all are doing the right thing!

There are some people who say that some advantages are there in dowry system. Their stand is that dowry gives economic support to newly married people, sometimes dowry acts like a provident fund for young people. These are may be good points if the money is given from the extra savings of the other family. What about the family which takes loan just to give dowry? It will be like financial safety for one family at the cost of other family's debt.

Many families give dowry just to match their social status with the others in their community. People with more wealth may do lavish wedding. That is a different scenario. However, family with low income in the same community as above wealthy person, takes huge money on loan to make equally styled lavish wedding. This loan may burden the next two generations of the family with debt.

Many of us think that education is the way forward for dowry system to stop. However, in many cases if the groom is well educated with high income, then more dowry is expected from a girl in the pretext of secured financial future. If you think that such demands, come only from parents or old people of the family, then that’s not the case always. Many guys who earn more want more luxurious items in marriage to project their social status.

Most worrying part is how love marriages are converted these days. Many experts on the field and activists used to say that love marriages from different economic status people should help stop dowry system. Sadly, that is not the reality. Many families arrange such love marriages like other arranged marriages so that their social status can be shown through marriage which includes projecting the dowry received as well. Girl or guy, whoever has the lower economic background, are made to take money on loan to match the other's social status during the marriage. Recent trending statement about dowry, 'we don't want dowry but you can give whatever you want for your daughter who are we to stop that'. In the end, families make a statement that they are adjusting for children's love marriage.

When we talk about girl's education, that doesn't mean earning a degree. There are parents who educate both their son and daughter in same way. The girl gets same education as brother, gets a good income job from which she doesn't share any money to parents after marriage. However, some girls feel that dowry is customary in marriage. If a parent has better economic status and they are willing to share the wealth then the girl can go ahead as per legal terms of property sharing with parents and sibling. When the girl asks for amount/gold which is more than their family property, how is it practically possible? If the family, does it for the girl's happiness, what happens to the future of others in the family? Who holds the responsibility of educating the girl to make strong stand against dowry? Is it parent or society or herself or all together?

There are girls and guys who spend their own earned money on their marriage. This is great. Sometimes, those youngsters apply for loan in lakhs to buy gold for the marriage. The gold will be inside locker but they will be paying interest for the loan. The gold was bought to give as dowry and make up for the societal status. Here whether we should appreciate the youngsters for their self-made financial status or think about new model of dowry?

Many parents (both educated and non-educated) in India try to teach their children about family values which includes accepting dowry as a valid system. What is the use of educating children with higher degrees when they are not able to take a stand against a wrong system like dowry?   Families should also show willingness to legally distribute the properties amongst all in the family irrespective of gender.

  • Married women may find it difficult to do better in career due to dowry related mental harassments at home
  • Some girls don't get financial support for higher education from family as family want to keep money for dowry
  • Regular reminders of pending dowry push women into depression which leads to other health issues
  • Societal pressure makes married women to adjust with whatever harassment happens but not to withdraw from the marriage
  • Suicide thoughts are not anything to do with educated or non-educated. When they go through lot of humiliation inside house, women take this extreme step

There is another thing to be note about this system, which is, if no is being said to dowry, there are people in many communities who doubt the ability of the guy or label the girl as arrogant if she has a job.

  • Educating girls properly, making them understand that dowry is not customary and strong laws can help in dealing with dowry. Still, it may not be enough unless everyone decides not to participate in dowry.
  • There should be societal shame created if a person gives or takes dowry.
  • Everyone must be aware of the legal ways of sharing the family properties.
  • Women and men should respect their own values above dowry.
  • Most of the families send girls to work just for earning their own dowry. Instead, they should encourage girls to work for their own and family's financial security.

We all co-exist in the same society as above!

Self love is not selfish!

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Self-love means self-appreciation and valuing oneself highly. Self-love is not selfishness. Both are entirely different.

Self-love is very important for better mental health as it keeps stress, anger and anxiety away. And it,

  • Gives confidence to make better decisions in life
  • Gives Positive feeling
  • Helps in coping up with failure and embarrassment

Quick ways to improve your self-love,

  • Forgive yourself if you have done something wrong in the past and try to move forward
  • Learn to listen to yourself
  • It is impossible to be perfect all the time. Please don’t try to be a perfectionist all the time by hurting your happiness
  • Practice Yoga
  • Stop criticizing and judging your own-self
  • Don’t bother yourself with what others think of you
  • Pay attention to sleeping routine
  • Prioritize your time
  • Talk to family or friends
  • Be true to yourself
  • Celebrate yourself
  • Stop comparing yourself with others
  • Give yourself some space to make mistakes and learn from it
  • Don’t feel bad to let go off toxic people
  • Trust yourself that you make better decision for yourself
  • Try to be bold in public

Be yourself! Love yourself! Be proud of yourself!

Is it easy for you to share your knowledge?

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Knowledge sharing and mental health are very connected topics. Interpersonal trust is the key when it comes to knowledge sharing.

People feel isolated in terms of knowledge even when they are surrounded with all the digital modes of accessing knowledge.

When an employee needs an information of their own organization’s previous project, he/she needs to struggle a lot to find the right person to reach. In such cases, it creates immense stress to employee and this leads to give up their search.

People find it very difficult to share their knowledge when it comes to work place.

Knowledge hiding is the very common theme among employees. It happens more among senior employees. The same senior employees don’t find any threat in sharing their knowledge with juniors. Knowledge hiding creates work place tension which is an invisible monster. Employees may get self-doubt when they get to know that the other person is willingly hiding the knowledge.

Employees don’t share knowledge due to various reasons like,

  • Insecurity
  • Fear of losing job

You may think that why employees are not taking the help from the knowledge management repository. It all depends on the value of the repository. How well it is managed and how well the process is being followed in that particular organization.

When it comes to organization’s knowledge management, work culture plays an important role along with employees’ personality and behavior. When a person decides not to share knowledge, they act like they don’t know, they commit a timeline to share but create excuses to avoid sharing.

Many people share knowledge only when,

  • they are given motivation
  • they know that they are doing unique job

Employee might share knowledge for various reasons. All those reasons are connected with personality. The general motives are,

  • to help others and that shows the person is having a great energy
  • to impress by looking good in front of others
  • to feel good as the person wants some emotional satisfaction
  • to persuade another person and getting your tough project done
  • to join with group of employees who have similar views about lifestyle

Knowledge sharing is very positive for a person’s mental health. It gives lot of new confidence to share the knowledge. Self-worth will be felt in good way. Also,

  • helps to remember things better
  • skills improvement
  • creativity
  • more innovation
  • better performance as a team

Let your positivity and self-esteem stay strong by sharing more knowledge!

Words too give pain!

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Emotional pain is true, and it is not an illusion. Words are very powerful, and the pain caused by words is as strong as physical pain. Mostly such emotional pain is caused when hurting words come from the closely connected people. However, it is not the only case always.

People always say that it’s just a talk why can’t you leave it, and nobody beat you. Is it an acceptable statement all the time?  It may not be. Emotional pain should be taken seriously as it has impact on your mental and physical health.

Verbal aggression creates long lasting effects. I was in anger, so I talked. It’s not the justification acceptable all the time when emotional pain caused is huge.

Just because it is not visible, it doesn’t mean that there is no emotional pain. Once you talk that can never be reversed, only possibility is concerned person’s willingness to forgive. Most of the cases, forgiving may happen soon but not forgetting. Person sometimes may say hurting words and expect others to consider that as a joke.

 

People say hurtful words for various reasons like,

  • To humiliate another person
  • To hide their insecurities by telling other’s mistakes on the face
  • To make the person emotionally weak so that the person will never be their competitor anymore
  • To manipulate another person
  • To avoid apologizing

Emotional pain is the result of someone’s hurtful talks towards you. Some of the common hurtful talks are,

  • Parents feeling that you are a failure, and they keep telling the same thing again and again
  • People in relationship keep saying to another person that I don’t care anymore
  • Angry people calling names
  • Anxious person talking unwanted things
  • People keep saying that you are a big disappointment in life

Emotional pain influences the physical health. It may be linked with headache, muscle pain and stomachache.

We are humans and we can feel emotional pain and there is nothing wrong if you feel that. When you feel that you are not having control over it, then it needs be worked out. If you don’t pay immediate attention, then emotional pain will be leading us to,

  • Feel less self-worth
  • Depression
  • Loneliness
  • Negative feeling
  • Fear
  • Self-harm
  • Become addicted to alcohol
  • Violent behaviors
  • Suicidal thoughts

We should learn how to keep ourselves unaffected by such words. Here are the few ways to deal with the same.

  • Reject such name calling
  • Assess the personality and behaviors of the person who talks
  • Ask the person to stop talking
  • Get rid-off negativity
  • Not to feel guilty of staying away from such people
  • Talking to a trusted family member/friend
  • Physical exercise

It is very difficult to control people around you and what they talk. However, it is up to you to choose your own perspective of life. Forgiving the verbal attacker is not for them, it’s for your better mental health. You are good as you are.

Categories: Anger Behaviour Society

Comparison and mental health

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People who don’t compare themselves with other are leading happy life as per research. The more you react to negative social comparison, the lesser your self-esteem. When the self-esteem goes low, people start evaluating themselves as inferior to others.  Research studies shows that comparison tendency reduces as age increases. Social comparison is creating more impact in young people.

People who do downward comparison at times get temporary happiness compared to people doing upward comparison. At times, upward comparison inspires people to work smart and get self-improvement.

Comparison becomes a threat to mental health when it is not dealt with proper care. Impacts of being negatively compared,

  • People start to feel low about themselves
  • Prolonged depression
  • Regretting for own decisions taken in the past
  • Feeling guilty that family/friends are suffering because of them
  • Starting to lie to keep up the confidence
  • Blaming self for each and everything
  • More destructive feeling
  • Always unhappy

It is very easy to get trapped into comparison. It is not that always others do this to us. Most of the time, comparison happens by self. Now a days with more social medium availability, people simply look into other person’s posts/status and compare their life with them. This creates more anxiety and stress. Mental health becomes questionable in this situation.

People look always smiling even when they are depressed from inside. “Smiling depression” is the recent word. Also, most people post their best moments on the social media. But the person who tries to compare assumes that people around are always having life without any hurdles and only he/she is having issues.

Kids are not left out from being compared. Parents compare with other kids with the intention of motivation. But most of the time, it creates emotional scars which takes years and years to heal. In some families, comparison leaded to sibling rivalry. Parents should be very careful when they try to compare and motivate kids. And they should understand that each child is unique and has potential.

Schools and colleges are other hot spots where comparison creates big impacts. Students get frustrated when they get compared with another high scoring student. Frustration leads to depression. They loose interest in studies and that ends up in dropout. Studies related suicides are also more these days as per research studies.

Comparison comes in every form. Most common such comparison is with neighbors. Your neighbor’s income may affect your happiness. Simply looking at their neighbor’s luxury car and rich home interiors, people assume that they are having everything in life and I have less than them. This materialistic comparison brings huge stress in family. It creates rift in couple relationships.

Apart from the above, there are lot of comparison commonly happening in Indian social setup.

  • Person with lesser paid job being compared with highly paid relative
  • Non-working mothers being compared with working mothers
  • Fair skin people being compared with dark skin people
  • Fat people being compared with thin people
  • Foreign university degree holders being compared to native university degree holders

It may be difficult to stop comparing yourself with others. All you need to know is how harmful that comparison is for your mental health. Keep reminding that to yourself.

  • Take time out from your day to day work and feel grateful about yourself. That is not called selfish behavior
  • Saying no doesn’t mean that you are hurting others
  • Seek connection from others not comparison
  • Look up for self-improvement but just a little
  • Compare yourself to yourself

Are you afraid of a toxic Relationship?

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Toxic relationship - mostly correlated with romantic relationships by many of us. That’s not the case always. Before getting into what is toxic relationship, we should understand the fact that this may exists in any relationship like between any family members, between coworkers in work place or among friends.

Toxic relationships are invisible always. It takes longer time to understand whether a relationship is toxic. When a person finds no happiness and most of the time feeling sad, angry with any relationship then that’s the start of a toxic relationship.

A relationship may be very disturbing even without any physical violence. If you feel so, then there is nothing wrong with your thoughts.  Emotional and psychological aspect of relationship is very important to move forward. When there is an issue with that, it’s time to understand why and how to repair it.

Toxic relationships revolve around insecurity, dominance, selfishness, distrust, disrespect, jealousy and negativity.

You are responsible for your life. This is common statement given by everyone around us. Sometime you may feel that you are doing everything you could, but there is no hope in relationship. This may be one of the signs of toxic relationship. Apart from this, there are other signs as well.

  • You may feel bad all the time
  • You may stop saying what you need because there is no point in telling
  • You feel that all the compromise comes only from you
  • Physical abuse
  • Receiving consistent lies just to get away from that particular situation
  • Feeling drained
  • Lack of trust
  • You may feel hostile atmosphere even with known people around
  • Receiving constant judgments over everything you do
  • Surrounded by full of negative energy
  • Lack of communication
  • Facing continuous disrespect
  • Mutual avoidance from both sides
  • You feel that your daily life is only filled with criticism
  • Other person always brings out the worst of you over your good side
  • You may face abusive languages even during normal conversation

All the above may not sound life threatening when we see it one point at a time. However, it is very dangerous when left without addressing. It may create huge depression, anxiety and even feeling suicidal in worst situations.

“Love should never cost you your peace. It should never cost you your joy. It should never cost you your happiness,” Gamble says. “If there’s more negative in the situation than positive, something has to change.”

Toxic relationships are created by lack of empathy. Always thinking from one side, and not seeing from the perspective of the other person in the relationship.

No need to panic when you realize that you are facing such thing. There are lot of ways to fix every toxic relationship. However, it is workable only when both involved are interested in sorting out the issues.

Willingness to invest your time and emotion is the first step in solving toxic relationships.

Sometimes you can get help from trusted family members or friends to solve your issues. If required, you can contact a psychology counselor who can assist you. Never stop expressing your feelings. Take your own time to think and make a better decision on how to deal with toxic relationships. Try to surround yourself with positive people always. Try to accept some of the responsibilities. Try to shift thoughts from blaming to understanding. Never do any re-engineering about the past when you sit for a betterment of the relationship.

Practice healthy communication. Most importantly you need your own time to heal individually. Also give space for the other person to heal individually too.

Receiving Too much unrequested Advices?

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We may wonder why some people are giving advice without our request. The reason is, they think that they can help us to manage our stress. Even though some have pure helping mind, the case is not similar all the time. We should be very careful about what kind of advice is given and by whom.

At times, advice givers get offended and go into depression because of criticism by others. Advice giving and listening to advice both are to be done carefully. There is a random belief among people that these days youngsters are not having patience to listen to any kind of advice. I am not going to discuss on that topic because that topic needs lot more study on the situational factors.

I am giving my thoughts here on why people give un-requested advice and how you can handle the same.

Acceptance of advice depends on whom the advice comes from. This is the most influencing factor. It may come from a family member, close friend, teachers or from inspiring leaders. However, some people get offended by such advice linking it with negative criticism. Situational factor is also very important. Even though advice is given with good intent, if the situation of a receiving person is not right then the whole thing goes in opposite direction.

Friends think that friendship is the savior when a friend is in stress and they try to give advice even when friend didn’t ask. Friends try to take initiative to solve the other friend’s problem. Friendship is a skill and it needs to maintained with self-awareness. In such cases, advice is given with pure intention to help a friend in need. There are some people who give advice to motivate you and they never try to hurt.

In the real world, there are categories of advice givers with whom extra care is required to keep away the negativity.

Few people who are having more knowledge and always need attention from others tend to give unwanted advices. Their only aim is to prove their knowledge availability. Such people may not even think about the situation which you are currently in. For example, when a person is having tough time with job, advice giver will give advice on how to get best performer award quoting his own award. Here, the person gets more stressed than before while comparing self with the advice giver’s status.

There are people who want to be a teacher always. They might even have hidden selfish agenda like need to elicit praise and exploit others. They want to have a dominating feel. Such people always follow foot in the door method. They start conversation is a friendly manner for few days. When they get to know that your trust is earned, they start influencing by sharing small advice. Gradually they move on to take more control and give unwanted advice which might even harm you or make you feel useless about yourself at times.

Always try to be away from people who are trying to make you feel low, useless and depressed by creating negativity. Just respond to such advices in polite way without any reaction. We should always refrain from reacting unnecessarily. They more we react, the more stress would increase. It is your responsibility to ensure that you validate the advice given by anyone before accepting that.

Categories: Behaviour

Acceptance of failure & negative feedback

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Acceptance may sound like any other English word when we read it somewhere. This word has lot of weight in itself. Do we have the nature of acceptance? Are we prone to accept negative feedback?

Always saying yes to whatever other person says is not exactly acceptance. At times you may think why I should accept whatever is happening. That's right. You don't need to accept each and everything around you and you can reject too. Acceptance or non-acceptance which ever be the case, how is your reaction towards the same. If there is a case of failure, then how it is accepted by a person and responded back really matters.

Acceptance of negative feedback itself is becoming tougher choice for many. In such scenario, acceptance of failure is like moving a mountain. These days the talk around the town is that only youngsters are not having acceptance towards life. I don't feel the same. Many adult and old people also having tough time. Level of acceptance needed might vary based on age, that's all. But age should never be used as a justification when it comes to personality related concerns.

Kids get everything from parents and they never learn how to react when a “No” comes their way. So called social status which parents want to maintain, forces them to provide even unwanted things to kids. Few parents try to live their own missed childhood via their kids. Some assume that making kids do their own work is a punishment. Many parents do not let kids work, thinking that it may be a double work for them if kids don't do properly. Where do all these habits lead to in the future? Kids grow up not listening any negative comments at home; Kids grow up not knowing what “No” is.

Academics are important but it should not be for parent's pride. Kid's choices should be given preference. Comparison among kids brings major issues in child’s mental health. When a child who never heard any negative comments suddenly face the academic failure, doesn't even know how to react. They try to defend their stand verbally. Few kids try to dig out parent's mistakes and point finger at them to escape from the situation. There are kids who feel guilty about their failure and are afraid of facing the family, they might end up taking extreme step to end their life.

Being part of any sports in school, may help kids to handle their failures in the later stages of life. Only in sports,each and every time there will be a winner and a looser. Losing a game doesn't mean losing life. Sports seeds this mantra indirectly into kids.

Fear of failure and rejection doesn't stop with school days. They keep growing along. In college days, it is all about adulthood and handling of newer emotions. Youngsters get angry when a friend stops talking; They are unable to accept other group of students with different political views in college; They are unable to accept other group who supports different hero; They are unable to accept no in love. For all these, their solution is drugs and violence. With these anti-social behaviors, they are losing their fun filled college life. Just a thought of acceptance will bring a huge change in all these cases. Simple counseling and guidance from a proper person may do wonders. However, acceptance can't be forced on anyone as it must be a self-decided one.

When it comes to work place, acceptance of negative feedback is a must. If one can't accept negative feedback then stress is on them. They will start feeling low self-esteem. Few will get violent towards coworkers to hide their non-acceptance. All these things gradually pull-down their performance at work place. It doesn't happen overnight. Few people even show all their anger at family or friends whom they love most. This action can't be justified as love in this case. They are not able to accept negative comments and diverting that anger unnecessarily to another person. When this becomes a regular habit, big gap develops in relationship and causes irreparable damage. If we do root cause analysis, it all started when a person gave a negative comment at work place and unable to react to that in positive way.

Old age people too have acceptance issues. Co-living with adult kids may be a problem for few. Financial dependence may be a case for others. Frustration towards their past may lead to intolerance in their old age.

Whenever there is a failure or rejection then everyone becomes self-critic. Even though it is good to question yourself, it is equally important to think how to come out of that phase. Do not forget that you tried. You should appreciate that you tried. There may be few things which are outside of your control. You can't continually blame yourself for such things.

Accepting failure is never an easy task. However, try to tell yourself that it's not failure, it’s just a temporary setback and that you will bounce back. Try to be a constructive personality. Try to move forward again and not staying back for too long. Try not to wait for others approval for expressing your opinion. Always try to be realistic with your goal.

Have a good mental health.

 

Confessions on social media – Snakes and Ladders

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Confession is nothing but an autobiography of a situation. It is not necessary for confessions to refer always to wrong doings.  Paul Wilkes says confession is a pillar of mental health. When you are truthful to people around you with no dark secrets then it makes you feel more relaxed. There are some religious confessions, we are not discussing on that. Always writing up your deepest feelings on any bad experiences gives more strength. People should be true to themselves when they make such confessions.

Confessions are so helpful for better mental health. No difference of opinion on that. My concern over here is how social media confessions are misleading young people. As per Wikipedia, anonymous confessions became viral online around year 2012. And these online confession pages initially were mostly used by Indians, Americans and Great Britain. However now it has spread all over the world among the youngsters. This trend is not only in urban area, it is now making way into many rural areas too.

The purpose of social media confessions is to share their emotions and troubles anonymously in their community. Many college and school students from different countries use this to ask for help on their studies and some affairs. When a person feels uncomfortable to talk on topics then they use confession page to talk without disclosing their identity. For every institution from schools to IT companies, there are several confessions pages available online in recent years.

The truthfulness of confession and to what extent people say their original emotions are extremely important. Many people just simply read through confessions page and connect to their similar situations. And that’s where the hidden problems start to affect their decision making. Because many people online, try to do partial confessions or half true - half imagination confessions, but the readers may not think that way. These kinds of confessions are worse off than not confessing.

There are people who come to confessions page just to read stories of other people. They just consider this as entertainment and not affected by the stories and people suggestions. In this case, person should not become addicted to read every minute some confessions leaving aside their work. Some people who respect confession pages are having a clear mindset and don't mind even if they read few imaginary confessions. If a person starts to implement confession pages in real life without any secondary thoughts, then they are trapped.

Few youngsters are confused between real confessions and counselling. People expect mental health counseling through confession mediums. You should always remember that you are sharing your dark secrets on an open page and suggestions will come from unknown people. If you blindly follow those suggestions, then it will not help you. Instead it will push you towards more stress. Even if you say that I'm a strong person and these mediums can't influence me then it's a lie that you tell yourself. These suggestions make indirect influence on your decision making.

You should use confession mediums wisely. Keep in mind, not to let unknown internet friend take decision for your personal problems. Every confession is unique due to its situation and person. Similar solutions may not be completely fitting for yours. Few people tell me these days, when they are too much confused about any decision making then they search online for similar problem and its solution. This is more alarming to know how decision making and personal space is influenced by confession mediums.

There are few serious hidden dangers in open confessions. Cyber bullying becomes easy through these online confession mediums. Many people create fake IDs and spread some sad stories. They pretend it to be their own story. Their only aim is to bother others by making people feel guilty and low.

 In some pages, depressed people post more on suicidal thoughts and many other people get depressed reading such confessions. These days some people openly disclose the person name full or person name with a ** in middle which is clearer on the confessions page. Everyone including family, friends and colleagues have access to those confession pages. When they see the names, they try to map unwanted things together and end up in stress.

Please be conscious on confessions when it is made openly. Take good care of your mental health.

Let her also dream…

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Let her also dream...... Its her space... Its her dream... Let her also dream.

Just a different write-up from my usual ones. It is going to be a quick read story.

She was so afraid of outside people when she was in a home run kindergarten. At the age of three and half, once she was crying continuously, the teacher said “if you cry i will put you into well”. She did not go there afterwards.

 

 

She was put into first standard directly at the age of five in a government elementary school, which did not even have toilet facility. However, the school provided lot of space and freedom for individual thinking. She was allowed to think big and learn more of world knowledge looking at her surroundings. Slowly she developed love for reading and used to visit the only library in the village, which took more than 3 km of cycling one way to reach. This at the time when a girl cycling to the library was against the so-called village rules.

She had some of best teachers in school who were more interested in making her class topper than her parents. However, the school used to have hardly five teachers including a sports and an arts teacher. Parent teachers association used to appoint some youngsters from village to teach high school kids with very less or no salary. Such young teachers were actually more active and helped students in all possible ways. With the great guidance of some bunch of good teachers, she scored 472/500 in the 10th standard board exam.

As the local govt school was only till 10th standard, she was ready to join in a new school for higher secondary. Somehow, her parents and relatives convinced her to join in a private school with hostel facility thinking that was best. Once, there was a mistake in a physics record writing and the teacher remarked that the govt school girls are irresponsible in everything. Teacher did not stop there, and she just threw the notebook on her face. That moment, she decided that this school is not a right place for her. Further, she wanted to join a government school, which would give better freedom of thinking. That was the first ever decision which she made against parent’s wish. Mother supported her in this matter and she joined a govt girl’s higher secondary school for which she had to cycle 3 km to catch town bus, 10 km travel in that town bus and finally walk 1 km along with a very heavy school bag. That higher secondary school had only one class per specialization. She had 150+ girls in her Maths & Biology specialization. Attending to that school was not much help other than the official mark sheet. Private tuition was a mandatory.

In midst of all this, she had tough days at home. Parents were always having lot of love for her but not among themselves. Every single minute at home used to be like a war zone. Parents had lot of misunderstanding with each other and they never thought how serious their fight was affecting their daughter. As a higher secondary girl, she was struggling to handle the emotions around. So she used to stay mostly away from home by engaging more to school and tuition. Starting morning 5 am from home - morning tuition, regular school classes, evening tuition and reaching home night around 8 pm. This was her schedule for two years. Board exams started and she was busy and suddenly a day came with a life changing evening. A day, which was before two days of chemistry board exam. Parents fight reached a peak and mother was getting ready to leave the house. Father asked her to accompany mother to avoid any unexpected problems. With full of tears and two volumes of chemistry book in hand, she left along with mother and reached grandparent’s house. However, she managed to score 1071/1200 with Maths 196/200 and biology 198/200.

Cut-off marks were not much favorable after receiving the entrance exam results. The story of entrance exams and govt school kids are very interesting which is very tough to explain here. Entrance results and marks were one side. On the other side, her parents were separated since the day mother left home. Actually saying parents are separated until today and its more than 15 years now.

Biology cut-off was not enough to get a free medical seat in counselling and she was forced to choose engineering. In addition, she was clearly asked by her father to choose electronics and communication engineering in a nearby college with hostel during the engineering counselling process. However, she did not follow everything that her father told. As father was not accompanying her to the counselling, she choose electronics course but not in a nearby college. She choose a college, which was 400 km away from hometown. During those four years of college, she visited hometown hardly 4 times.

Hostel and its atmosphere with mountains around were giving new energy to her every day. That energy was not enough for her to understand the Engineering subjects as it was on English. Friends and senior students in the hostel were helping her to understand the subject. In the first semester exams, she failed in two subjects and that was her first ever academic failure. She went into a deep depression thinking about her own achievements in school days. When she tried to come out of depression, she got to know that her marks had already reached the village post office in open postal card. Knowing her marks, few relatives already started scolding her mother for supporting her. Friends always stood with her in all good and bad days. And she got her engineering degree with 77% marks in first class.

In her third year of college itself, top companies started pouring in for recruitment. She participated in all the interview process and failed in the group discussion round due to poor English communication. Most probably, it was her 15th company to attend and she cleared the whole interview process including the group discussion round. She was offered with 2.5 lakhs annual package in that multinational company. During this whole interview process, she was grappling with high fever. Was it because of slight drizzle the previous day that she got drenched in or due to her fear of facing things? Nobody knows.

Facing the heat of parent’s separation hit in any of the many ways possible. As a lower middle class family, father was the one who paid for everything in college days and he struggled a lot to make money for her studies. She became guilty of not helping father financially after getting a job. She was unable to help father because he gave a choice to choose between father and mother. She knew very well that father can manage somehow without anyone’s help but mother's case was not same. Mother had no financial support ever since she was separated and was struggling very badly. Thinking all that, she choose to bring mother along with her to the working city and father stopped talking to her. After that, it took few years for her to talk to her father.

Her city life started with new job. For few months, everything was challenging for her. In middle of all these, she had a regular love story and breakup too. Regular love story but had some unexpected turns here and there.

While working, she enrolled herself into her dream course and got M.sc degree on the same. Adventures are all around in life. Even though earning was there, she did not save much of money. Money was spent on buying books and traveling most of the India.

She was so afraid of marriage and love after seeing many failed marriages around and a breakup of her own. Time changes everything and she was convinced into marriage by an office friend who wanted to marry her. They decided to have a simple wedding and the same took place in a registrar office only with both parents around. Few years after the marriage, career break became unavoidable to be with baby.

Now she again wants to take a bold decision in life about switching career. However, our society is more about implicit rules and challenges. Everywhere people ask why to switch career when you can earn more in old IT  job, why to take risky job, what about financial safety, what if new career does not become successful.

Even after so many struggles in the past, a girl is not hearing much positive talks about her new career choice. Career switch needs strength and effort. Even though she is ready to put efforts, challenges are too big in front of her. Marks and academics are very small part in life. How much ever good or bad the marks are, strong mind and smart work is the key to move forward in life. That is the purpose of mentioning her marks on this story.

This is not a story of one girl. This is the common story for most rural background girls who are coming into job leaving behind all their struggles.

Let her also dream and let her walk towards her goals in her space.